Today, I fasted. The missionaries had suggested a few weeks ago that I try to set a baptism date again, so we were shooting for November 15. My dad, who has by now read both pamphlets I left at home (see this post for what I'm talking about) and he's also watched this CES devotional by Elder D. Todd Christofferson.
I told him I was considering November 15, but if he and my family couldn't make it for some reason, I would move it. He emailed me back and asked if we could discuss some things one-on-one when I'm home for Thanksgiving. That was really disappointing to me, because I kind of had my heart set on my November date. So today, the sister missionaries and I fasted, that I might know whether to stick with November 15, or if I should continue waiting and discuss with my dad over Thanksgiving as he requested.
Throughout the day, I was really frustrated. I didn't feel as though I was receiving an answer, that I would continue to debate back and forth for forever because one option (get baptized the 15th) was SUPER scary cuz I'm not sure how my dad feels about that, and the other option (wait till after Thanksgiving so my dad and I could talk in person) was SUPER disappointing cuz I really don't wanna wait any longer. So I texted my best friend. And she said something that I hadn't even thought about.
Have you studied what the baptismal covenant means? The things you promise to do when you get baptized? ... Maybe that's why it hasn't worked out yet. Maybe He wants you to know what covenant you're making because at judgement you will be held accountable for it. Search it on LDS.org and you'll get talks.That hit me really hard. I realized that I had read about the baptismal covenant, but I hadn't studied it. There's definitely a difference. So I did as she suggested and found this resource. I realized that I kind of sort of knew what I was doing, but I didn't know as much as I should have. So I read scriptures, read in True to the Faith, and wrote in my journal. A lot. And then my roommate's mom showed up, cuz she's visiting this weekend, so I kind of quit working on it.
As I said before, I met with the sister missionaries tonight. They asked what I'd been thinking about throughout the day, and I told them about Makenna's suggestion. Turns out, this morning, the sisters had felt impressed to discuss covenants at this lesson, but they couldn't figure out why. One of them was super nervous about it. And then I brought it up before they even introduced the lesson.
(Also, side note - our noon Friday Forum lesson had been on agency and choices and how to know where Heavenly Father wants you to go next. The teacher used the example of how we all decided what to do after high school - do you go to college? Go on a mission? Get married? Or go to work? One of the sister missionaries shared how she decided to serve a mission instead of continuing to play volleyball for college. THERE WAS INSPIRATION INVOLVED IN THE PREPARATION OF THAT LESSON)
Towards the end of the lesson with the sisters this evening, I really felt the Spirit. Throughout, the sisters had been saying how they felt the Spirit and Heavenly Father's love for me, and I was like okay that's awesome, but I'm not really feeling it. AND THEN. I'm not sure exactly what brought it on, but I was shaking, it was so intense. I wish I could accurately convey what I felt at that moment. I was so full of the desire to get baptized, and it was a physical feeling in my chest, and I almost cried when the sisters asked me my thoughts about what we were discussing. And I knew, right then, that I had an answer. November 15 it is. I still want my dad to be okay with it, but this is on Heavenly Father's terms now. This is happening.
And I'm terrified. I just spent an hour on the phone with my dad, mostly just talking about school and what I'm up to, but I did ask if we could talk church stuff. He was super tired, so he said maybe another time, but he did ask why. So I said I wanna get baptized the 15th, and I'm much less flexible about it now than I was before, and I realize that's not fair but it's something I have to do. Much prayer and thought and fasting went in to this decision, and I got an answer. And that's basically where the conversation about church ended. He still wants to discuss in person, and he mentioned that he might come visit (just him) one weekend.
(I also need lefse-making equipment for a residence hall event for which I am making lefse, so we could kill two birds with one stone if he brought the griddle and stuff with him!)
And I have no idea where to go from here, but you can put November 15 on your calenders. Because it's about time I get baptized.
So that was a really long post with no pictures. Sorry :)